It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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