your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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