So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
