oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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