What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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