U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
