I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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