remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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