What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
