im drinking this country out of the recession.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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