thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize
