My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
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Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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