I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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