I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
All I want is dick and wine.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
