Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
