saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
