We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm always down for nudity.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
