it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
