HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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