I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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