i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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