I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
