i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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