Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
