Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
