if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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