Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
