Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
