were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
