I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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