Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Couch. On fire.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
