I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
