I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I FOUND THE LEGS
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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