what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
