mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
