I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
