i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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