cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
