i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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