i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
