I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Floor bacon is actually really good
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
