So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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