remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
