I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
