That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
