he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't turn off my feet"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
