Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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