I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
