my mouth tastes like poor choices
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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