I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
