So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
