Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
