I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
