How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
