Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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