Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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