Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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