In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
