you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
