guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
