I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
