If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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