Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
