Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
