At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
