She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
