Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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