then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't deserve a penis
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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