I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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